How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
