thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
