She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
