Small penises have feelings too.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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