just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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