Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize