How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize