It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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