Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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