i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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