dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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