You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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