His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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