Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
