Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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