he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
