we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
