i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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