I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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