O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
