Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
