Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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