I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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