Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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