Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
