i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
