he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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