Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize