I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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