Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just pee around me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize