you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize