tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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