i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
