that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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