Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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