just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
