Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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