bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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