It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize