forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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