This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
