why didn't you poke me back
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
