I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
