all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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