girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
