Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
