I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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