no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
