we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize