in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
These tits shall not be calmed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize