just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i out mim tonsoeep
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