Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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