I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
