no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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