Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
