1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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