May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
