We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
