be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
