i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
