What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize