The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
