she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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