What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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